Thanksgiving Dinner

I got back to TO on Friday of the Thanksgiving weekend. I took the Fedbus and got dropped off at York Mills to wait for my friend and sister to come pick me up for fellowship dinner. I waited at the station for ~1 hour or so and I've been watching this man walk up and down Yonge Street for ~1 hour (I know I can be such a creeper sometimes haha).

At first I thought it was deja vu or something because I thought I saw the man walk up the street already, how can he be back walking by me again? Turns out, he goes up to the intersection to wait for the lights to change to cross the street and stand in front of all the cars for 2 sec and walks up the lane with a piece of cardboard in his hands and ends up back on the same sidewalk and walks up to the intersection to wait for the light change to do the same thing again.

He must have done that at least 30+ times during the 1 hour I was there. I'm pretty sure he was doing that before I got there and was still there when I left. It was very interesting to watch because there were so many UW students around waiting for their ride home, random people walking on the street, so so many cars driving by. It seemed like no one saw him even though he was walking up to the cars. And occasionally, people would roll up their windows (I guess these people saw him)... just in case.

I tried to take a look at what was written on his piece of cardboard when he walks up the lanes, but I couldn't because most of the time, he was holding the cardboard upside down. But I was able to make out one of the words on his cardboard: "HOMELESS". That's when I knew something had to be done. I waited till my friend and sister got there to see what to do.

My sister and I decided to buy the man some food. I wish there were more options around but there weren't, so we just bought a sandwich and a bottle of juice from the gas station. I don't know how filling that sandwich was but that the "best" I could give him.

I handed him the items we bought and said "Jesus be with you". "Jesus be with you too" he said. In my head I was saying "well... He is, He's the one who told me to buy you this". hahaa I don't know. But was that enough? Was God's name and Gospel really proclaimed? Was the sandwich and juice enough to fill him up? I really don't know. I'm pretty sure we could have done way way more because for fellowship dinner, we were going to have LOBSTER! Lobster, potatoes, salad, salmon, and dessert.

So disgusting! Disgusting. Disgustingly delicious. D: Seriously, what the heck were we doing having a big dinner inside a nice warm home? Would the right thing be inviting the man to come have dinner with us and share with him? Lol I don't know how much the host would like that actually... but really! How was that even fellowship? The only time we prayed that night was right before dinner. All we did was eat, drink, and be merry (and watched "say yes to the dress").

I do thank the host for having us there and making us dinner. I'm really thankful for all the trouble (again) =D Dinner was delicious and I do appreciate the time it took to prepare such a big dinner for all of us. But it just didn't sit right... with me anyways.

[to be fair, I know not everyone knew what I saw so yea...]

Crucifying the Flesh

Just the same as the crucifixion (Jesus' death on the Cross), crucifying our flesh is slow, painful, and humiliating.

One of the messages heard at my church's summer retreat was about the crucifixion and how it applies to us today. I've been wanting to share about this since summer. I especially want to share about this is because I know it applies to everyone and it most definitely is something I'm going through right now.

I don't know how to quite express the experience except with the elegant use of these four words: IT'S SO FRIGGIN' HARD!

Yes, it is slow all because I am dealing with my sinful nature and sinful desires of my flesh. It is just soooo natural and I was born ready to sin, which is why it is such a long process.

Yes, it is painful all because every sin inside of me wants to push out and rebel against God. For the sinful nature desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the sinful nature. They are in conflict with each other, so that [I] do not do what [I] want (Galatians 5: 17).

Yes, it is humiliating all because what the Spirit does is not natural or common in a sinful world. It is the odd one out. That's right Jesus freaks!

So why do I still want this or why you would ever want this? All because there is power in the crucifixion. Not only was my sin and your sin nailed on the cross with Jesus, but He rose from the dead to overcome sin so that you and I are no longer slaves to our sinful nature, but have freedom in Christ as a new creation, born ready to live life by the Spirit (love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control) to reflect God's glory.

His will be done,

Amen!

God the Healer of all things

It has been very tiring, saddening, and heart breaking when I think and reflect on what happened and what could have happened. So far I think in total I have "ruined" two friendships. I hope it's not more than that =S

One of them was during high school where a five year "friendship" was broken off. I'm not even sure if what my friend and I had was actually a friendship because we have never shared anything deep with each other. Also she was really hard to love and I actually didn't like her as much as people perceived. Yikes! Though we didn't really talk about meaningful things (ever!) but I know I was some sort of "home base"/ "safety net" for her when other people turn away from her.

I know that many people didn't like her, I didn't like her sometimes due to different reasons that should not be mentioned anymore. But at times I really didn't mind her... just like... whatever. I also didn't mind her because I was the "Christian" in my group of friends and it was the "right" thing to do. Was I ever a light to her? No. I honestly don't think so. I don't think I truly cared about her. Now that I think about it, I was barely a true follower of Christ! I was self- righteous, self-deceiving, and very blinded by my own sin and proud personality to see that I was just as sinful in God's eyes.

I occasionally stalk her on fb (lol. What? I thought we all do that =P) and from the looks of things on fb, I'm almost convinced that I am still the only claimed Christian she knew. And I'm pretty sure that the last impression of me wasn't Christ-like at all and I know that that further reinforced her perception of religious people she told me about years ago.

And recently hearing from a common friend, she still talks about it sometimes and is still very hurt by what happened. Be very careful when you claim to be a Christian. You never know if you are the last Christian they will see or even want to see.

The other friendship that was broken off was more recent. I'm not sure what to say about it. Though I do grief that it had to happen, but I don't believe that God would bring people into my life and then just take it away and have no meaning to it. I believe that it all serves a purpose. I'm just not there to see it yet. I also believe that God will bring my two friends and I back together at some point in our lives at the right time and place where you can see how it all fit together and go "Ohhhh! God, this is BRILLIANT!"

When I get upset about these things, I remember that God is the healer of my life and my friends' lives. He heals us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. If God can change and heal me, a self-righteous, God-hating, and unloving sinner, He can definitely heal relationships.