One very important thing that (I believe) many Christians (I know) forget to do is letting our actions speak. In the past, I've noticed that many of us use theology and reasoning to speak... louder and louder and louder and louder and louder. Literally.
I'm not saying that using theology and reasoning to explain something is wrong. If you know your theology well and know how to explain your thoughts, you are very much blessed my friend =) It's true. But there's a problem...
Many times when a small group of us try to explain something to a person within the group who may be new to Christianity or have a different interpretation, "discussion" starts. The reason I used "discussion" is because it doesn't always end up to be like what it started out as, a discussion. A lot of times it ends up with just two and most of the time just one person taking over the "discussion".
I really think that it is alright if people who know their stuff well to speak up if the discussion isn't going in the right direction. But what I have a problem with is the tone of voice people use to "redirect" the conversation.
What happens is that when people try to redirect the conversation, their volume gets louder and louder and louder and louder. So I'm sitting there thinking....hmmmm my dear brother/ sister, what you are saying is absolutely right, but person x sitting across the table from you will NOT listen to what you have to say, even if it makes sense. Why? Because it sounds like you're yelling at him/her!
A very important thing I learned from Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller is that "People will not listen to you unless they can feel that you love them."
In a more recent conversation I shared with a dear sister, a similar topic came about. We both have done some unloving things to those around us (ie. gossip, choice of words, tone of voice). Some things we mentioned weren't necessarily done purposely to hurt others, but because of (ie.) not wanting to share food/ dishes/ whatever it was, it came out through our body language. And the people who we were "sharing" with felt it. What happens now is that their perceptions of us are (/could be) stingy, hardarse, self-seeking, blablabla, and basically unloving.
We're not like that anymore. We may slip here and there at times, but our previous initial response is definitely not the same. It's a really good thing for us and we can't thank God enough for the transformation.
One bad thing though... the things we have done to others still lingers; their perception is still there. Not to say that people are unforgiving, but psychologically, it takes around 5 good comments to make up for 1 bad comment D:
So how does all this connect? Well... let's say there is a spiritual problem you see in a brother/ sister and it is very concerning, so you try to talk to them about it. BUT even though you now speak in love, they may disregard it because of what you may have done before. There's sort of a wall in between...
Well of course you still try right? And if there are anymore problems between you and the brother/ sister, it's better to settle the matter sooner than later.
But I think for now... if words are not listened to, it is better to let loving actions speak and to continually pray faithfully.
